Dear Coleen
I am writing to seek advice regarding my current situation with my partner. We share two children, aged four and two, but living together has become challenging for us. Despite our love for each other, cohabitation has proven to be stressful, prompting us to consider living apart while maintaining our relationship.
Our disagreements often stem from our contrasting parenting styles. My partner tends to be more traditional and strict, whereas I lean towards a more relaxed approach, granting our children greater freedom. Balancing work responsibilities adds to our fatigue and contributes to frequent arguments.
We have contemplated the idea of living separately but remaining a couple. Although this arrangement may seem unconventional, we believe it could potentially work for us. However, there are concerns, particularly from my mother, who fears that my partner may shirk his childcare duties and prioritize his own interests.
Feeling the need for personal space is understandable, especially in our current living conditions with limited room for privacy and relaxation.
Coleen advises
You inquired about other families in a similar situation. Typically, couples with children living apart are either divorced or separated. Differing parenting approaches are common among couples and often result in a dynamic of one being stricter while the other is more lenient.
The challenges of parenting can strain relationships, leading to the need for breaks to recharge. However, transitioning to separate living arrangements should involve establishing clear boundaries and shared responsibilities to ensure a successful outcome.
Concerns about your partner’s behavior post-separation are valid, necessitating a mutual agreement on shared parenting duties. Anticipating feelings of jealousy or resentment and considering the impact on your children’s perception are crucial aspects to evaluate.
Alternatively, exploring ways to reconnect as a couple, such as arranging childcare for quality time together, may offer a different approach to addressing your current struggles.
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